I am turning 38 in just over a month, and I’m still learning how to “adult”.
Real talk, go to the gyno. It has taken me 7 months to finally make an appointment, and I haven’t been to the gynecologist in over 7 years. It took a lot for me to work up the motivation and courage to take care of myself.
There needs to be a non-bullshit, non-eat-pray-love version of “how the fuck to be an adult woman” guide. It needs to tell you all the things you absolutely need to hear that nobody in your damn life told you about.
I have some very bad anxiety about making phone calls to strangers. Like many-a-millennial, I will try my hardest never to ha e to talk via phone. I’m not a particularly talkative or articulate person in real life. I struggle and fumble, and feel like an absolute ass when I talk.
Even in my 30s, I still deal with trying to check off the things that I know I should be doing. I’ve come to realize it’s a constant thing that I must try to work at. Sometimes these are daily baby steps, sometimes they are monthly baby steps. Now that I’m 37, there’s plenty of things I have been able to learn and take into review.
I’m still learning, but here are 6 things I have learned at 37 that I can pass on to all of you:
1. Spend less time on social media. Seriously.
All you’re doing is comparing yourself to the most filtered versions of the world. Remind yourself it’s not real, that everyone struggles too, and that you probably can live with only 2 or 3 hours of social media scrolling a day.
I spend about 2.5 hours on average on Instagram. I usually do not scroll for hours anymore. It has helped change my mood and mindset a lot. Instead of comparing, I usually seek out only the users that inspire me or make me feel great about viewing their content, and then I leave. I only use Facebook to connect with family or ask friends for a group opinion, and when I have salty or funny jokes, I post them to twitter.
I do not spend hours on social media anymore, and it definitely helps me feel like I’m not constantly comparing myself to others. I have so many other things effecting my depression, but social media is no longer one of them.
Pro-tip: You can also set a timer on your Instagram that tells you how long you have spent everyday on the platform.
2. Put that $20 into your savings account when you can.
Maybe it’s not every check, but every month or every other month does add up. Invest in yourself, honestly. Your bank account and credit score will thank you.
If it’s anything I have learned about getting older, it’s that I tend to be more considerate of what I’m buying. Whether I buy something cheap or expensive, I think about my purchases and whether or not I actually need them, versus an impulsive buy to satiate my desire to participate in retail therapy.
3. Take 15 minutes to take care of your skin.
I’m not saying you need to have perfect skin, all I’m saying is that you should care enough about your skin to take care of it. You don’t need a 10-step Korean skin care routine that takes 30 minutes every morning and night. Yes, they do work, but not everyone has that amount of time.
You can build something that works for you for the time you have.
Here’s a simple 5 step that I do:
– Oil Cleanser
– Foam Cleanser
– Moisturizer that has SPF (Day)
– Eye cream (Night) … honestly I forget 5 out 7 nights!
– extra points: weekly sheet mask on a Netflix and chill night!
The most important step to be very honest is the double cleansing. If you can only do 3 do double cleansing + moisturizer that has SPF.
4. Forgive yourself. But most importantly, learn from your mistakes.
We are all obviously, human. We are flawed. It’s okay that you messed up 12 years ago, maybe you said something you shouldn’t have to your friend or partner. It’s okay, we all make mistakes. However, it is very VERY important that you reflect on what happened. And reflect not only on what they did to get you into that situation, but how you reacted, what you did, and what you can do that is more constructive and effective next time.
If you learned absolutely nothing and changed absolutely nothing, then you have not grown.
5. Go to the doctor.Make an appointment.
Seriously, if you’re like me, and have crazy anxiety about finding the right doctor or calling people… use an app like ZocDoc. You can take a photo of your insurance card and they’ll pull up doctors who are in your network and are accepting patients.
I have put mine off for years. I was basically dying of asthma (using 30% of my lungs) and had to go to urgent care twice before I sucked it up and got an allergist!
6. Meditate or spend alone time with yourself.
I recently started using an app caled “Calm” recommended by my friend Carolee. I have only used it 3 times, but it definitely helps with learning how to meditate, and learning how to clear your mind for sleep, productivity, and anxiety purposes. It does cost $60, but honeslty, it has helped me a lot.
Til tomorrow Midgard,